When we were preparing to move all of our cats into the same apartment, my boyfriend got super into My Cat from Hell and the teachings of host Jackson Galaxy.
“Lucy is a tree dweller,” he mused, watching my cat try to jump from the arm of the couch onto the top of a book case. “We should get her a cat tree.”
And so we began looking around for reasonably priced cat furniture, eventually settling on a cat tree that was just tall enough to fulfill the cats’ fantasies of looking down on us in judgment. We lugged it home in a taxi and up the stairs to our apartment. And the cats took to it like…. cats to an actual tree. They scratched it and slept on it and covered it with a fine layer of hairballs. But not all cats have to live with poor people and settle for low-cost cat furnishings. Some can eat fresh tuna from crystal dishes, drink bottled spring water from Norway, and live and play in luxury cat furnishings. Like the ones I so carefully researched and catalogued below! Take a peek at some of the most absurd and expensive cat furniture I could find.
Time to twirl your fancy cat mustache around your adorable little paw, cats. This luxury cat tree gives you the illusion of being outdoors with a fake tree “growing” right up through it. In other words, cats will eat all the silk leaves off of this and leave a trail of fake leaf vomit around the living room.
Luxury levels: 24-karat Whisker Lickin’s
Rule, Britannia. Britannia rules the waaaaaaaaves. In this kitty palace, your cat will attempt to invade several countries and talk of nothing but strategic marriages and Balmoral.
Luxury levels: Queen Victoria’s little lace crown hat.
Your cat will “never let go” of this doomed vessel, perfect for hiding, sleeping, scratching, and reminding other animals that they are of a lower class.
Price: $898.95 (but sadly out of stock)
Luxury levels: Tiny silver beluga forks at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
Get down from there, Boots! This tree house is for mature cats, like Reginald Meow-Meow and Tompkins. Mature cats know that it’s not a cat tree unless there’s a tree in it.
Luxury levels: The solid gold toilet you know Donald Trump has behind a hidden panel in his office.
If there’s one thing cats love, it’s living in a house that’s nicer than the one you live in.
Price: $913 + more for accessories
Luxury levels: Camping by building a rustic lean-to from locally-sourced hickory sticks on a golf course.
10′ Fantasy Tree
Look at this adorable tree dwelling! It will fulfill all your fantasies, cats. Such as…going outside and climbing an actual tree and maybe Smurfs.
Price: Between $2,099 and $3,000
Luxury levels: ALL THE GOLD IN EREBOR.
Is it a cat tree or is it a staircase built for Galadriel? You’ll know for sure the first time your cat vomits something weird on it.
Price: £860.00 (around $1,400)
Luxury levels: Building a house and then knocking it down to build a bigger one.
Not for sale, but certainly a perfect home for any cat who knows his Klimt from his kibble.
Luxury levels: An expensive painting you buy and immediately put into storage.